Obama to apologize for Sherman's March to the Sea

President Obama, stinging from criticism of what opponents have called his "apology tour" to places like Dresden, Hiroshima and Nagasaki, announced that he will visit Georgia next year to heal the wounds from America's Civil War.

Obama's visit will begin in Atlanta on September 2, where Sherman's march began and later that day he will visit Savannah, where Sherman concluded his march on December 22, 1864. Along the way, Sherman conducted total warfare and burned everything in sight, including private homes and businesses. By Sherman's own estimate, his army caused over $100 million in property damage in Georgia alone.

Off the record sources within the Administration confirm that the President will be sure to point out, as he has about America's involvement in World War II, that while America did not start the war, we did commit unspeakable horrors by using scorched-earth tactics against our enemy. The President will advocate that America must acknowledge our sins, confess them and move forward in a new spirit of peace and friendship.

President Jimmy Carter, former governor of Georgia, is rumored to have strongly advocated for Obama's visit. Carter well knows how sensitive Southerners are to the scars left behind by "The War Between the States" as Carter calls it. Carter is a world renowned expert in Southern culture. After all, one of Jimmy's distant relatives, Robert "King" Carter, was the first American millionaire and owned more than 1,000 slaves. Jimmy Carter literally oozes Southern culture.

In 1978, Carter posthumously removed the limitation against Confederate President Jefferson Davis running for public office again. Davis had been dead for nearly 90 years but the uber-compassionate Jimmy Carter knew how much the gesture would do to heal the wounds of war. Now Carter feels that Obama's visit to Atlanta will go a long way towards completing the healing process.

Carter recently said of Abraham Lincoln:

"[Lincoln] ignores the fact that the tragic combat might have been avoided altogether, and that the leaders of both sides, overwhelmingly Christian, were violating a basic premise of their belief as followers of the Prince of Peace."
...
Carter concluded: "A legitimate question for historians is how soon the blight of slavery would have been terminated peacefully in America, as in Great Britain and other civilized societies."

Carter believes Lincoln was wrong for not negotiating with the Confederacy for a two state solution. Lincoln was obviously a warmonger who unfairly attacked the Southern states, who were only trying to peacefully force slavery on the Northern states and Western territories. After all, Jesus would have peacefully freed his slaves in due time just as the South surely would have.

Hey, at least the slaves got free food, housing, health care and a good Christian education as all of Carter's ancestors saw fit to give their slaves. They were even such good Christians as to give them whiskey at Christmas. Surely, Jesus would do the same for his slaves.

But for the sake of argument and sarcasm aside, let's just say Carter is right about the Civil War being a most un-Christian action by America's military. President Ronald Reagan's foreign policy was summed up as "Peace Through Strength". Perhaps Obama/Carter's foreign policy is best summed up as "Drop your drawers and turn the other cheek."